Rather Die

I can tie a noose like a motherfucker

from a silk tie 

hemp rope

nylon cord 

what the fuck ever.

Never was a boy scout

quit at Cubs 

but I taught myself to tie a noose

so I could do it right 

when I need to.

No lynching,

love my melanistic folk

unless I'm driving 

or waiting tables 

regardless

not klanning.

If I were to hang

I'd wear boots 

so as to catch all the piss

Id wear a turtle neck

to prevent the Claret from staining the wood.

Easy clean up 

I know how put upon you feel domestically

But god damn it, you'd find me.

Purple of face

tongue swollen

lolling

You'd find me.

Then you might have a real reason to hate me.

I'd be beyond caring

The dream had ceased

died or so I thought

Fantasy end

I'm back baybay

Forget the woods and forget waiting

it'snot about y'all

What holds me back now

is kids that will never be mine

because of some massengill motherfucker't and easy abortions

Babies for him, never for me.

Can't understate that

not ever.

Never mine

Nevermind.

I didn't do it

Embrace

Tell a gay man to eat a dick
you haven't insulted  him.
Cocksucker,
huge percentage of the census is ok with the idea
Liar.
Fuck you.
Your lies are not an issue
mine kill.
Die motherfucker die
as I blasted,
eat a dick fucking fag
I'll outlast you
Long run
Out gun
Hostility
nothing but
Haterhateyou don't give a handjob
much less a fuck
Most offensive.
That's something I can deal with.
Embrace.

Ash is but Ash

Change your life and see

whether you can outlive or outrun your past

good luck to you my friend, 

keep that cardio in top condition

you're going to need it.

You will never ever neverever nevernever everever

win that race. 

Best practice may be to move on

pull up stakes and go,

certainly the easiest practice.

You are what you did,

not necessarily what you do.

Although what you do is nice,

thank you for the effort

you are still that guy

who did that thing

or those things.

You are not a phoenix

ash is but ash.

Forgive and forget 

a lie built on a landfill

ground shifts.

Never was never will be I reckon.

Yeah, I'm cryptic

unless you know me 

and if you do,

If you really know

you detest.

I give reasons

or maybe I gave them.

Fuck it

potato potahto

french fries bitch.

Vitriol

Pain is amorphous and fairly hard to describe
sciatic pain is no joke, but clearly not bone graft pain
either way,  it really hurts.
My employer couldn't give a fuck
I expected that
Welcomed it really.
What I didn't anticipate is my family not giving  fuck.
Makes me want to spew venom.
So I try to quit drinking and then pinch my sciatic nerve
thus can't sit stand lie down
can't BE without pain.
So I have had a few,
not an alcoholic's few
two beers.
Still cant sleep.
Slept eight hours in three days
want to die.
Fuck everybody and everything
I'm still going to work in the morning at 5:45 am
rent don't wait
groceries to let go bad.
damn goddamn